How To Defeat Anger - Defeat Anger Before it Defeats You

Dear Carnegie Coach:

I've worked as a professional in the field of marketing for more than 25 years and just had the most horrible experience. I made my boss look bad in front of top management. I didn't intend to have the situation blow up, but he almost made a really bad decision that could have cost the company thousands of dollars. I thought I was discreet and cautious about going over his choice, but it backfired. Now he's determined to destroy my reputation. He's told my colleagues that I'm incompetent and bad-mouthed me to clients in our trade associations. Furthermore, he just gave me an awful performance review. I have decided I have to resign from this company, but all I really want to do is get him fired. I am so angry – What do I do?

Liora

Dear Liora:

It sounds as though you have a right to be angry. On the other hand, as you know, anger doesn't do you or the world any good. Instead of wasting your energy on your anger, try focusing yourself in a completely opposite direction. Cultivate a mental attitude that will bring you peace with the following strategies:

Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health and hope. You can get through this. This is a crucial moment in your life that can possibly steer you to new arenas. If you continue to hold your head high and present a professional demeanor, your friends and coworkers will respect you and will eventually realize that your boss' criticism is inappropriate.

Never try to get even with your enemies. We all have someone we'd like to get even with in our lives, but it just isn't worth it. Think of the time, energy and creativity you have to put in to get your boss fired. Realize if you get even with your boss, you have done exactly what you despised your boss for doing.

Try to profit from your losses. This may be a defining moment in your life. You obviously have the skills to succeed. Have you thought about non-profit work? Do you want to go into business for yourself? Is there a small start-up company you'd love to work in? A friend of mine found himself in a similar situation. He started an employment mediation firm when he realized there were no resources in his business community to help resolve situations like this. He ended up mediating a situation between his former boss and another unhappy employee.

Create happiness for others. There are so many opportunities to do well in the world. Instead of focusing on your anger, take some time to work at a local homeless shelter or adult daycare center. When my friend was out of work and emotionally drained, she decided to cheer herself up by writing letters to all her relatives and friends, mentioning something she really appreciated about them. Some told her it was the best gift they'd ever received.

Mordechai Welt

Performance Consultant

tel. 0544-904-795

mordechai_welt@dalecarnegie.com